Video games have become both big business and a technological focal point for new forms of learning. Today games are not just played; players engage in game design, write fan fiction, and organize themselves into collaborative learning communities. In these communities players acquire 21st century skills in technology, but, in the best of these communities, they hone these technical skills and strengthen emotional and social intelligence. The authors argue that women gamers - too often ignored as gamers - are in many respects leading the way in this trend towards design, cultural production, new learning communities, and the combination of technical proficiency with emotional and social intelligence. We draw on case studies about women who "play" the Sims, the best selling game in history, to argue a new general theory of learning for the 21st Century.