The Disease to Please
Curing the People-pleasing Syndrome
New York Times Advice Bestseller and Featured on The Today Show "A fascinating book about a topic important to millions of women. If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!" --Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author... read more of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast When Oprah talks, people listen. That is exactly what happened to Dr. Harriet Braiker, a guest expert on Oprah Winfrey, when she was urged by Oprah herself to write a book on the very common yet very damaging problem that many of us suffer from, the "people-pleasing" disease. In this book, Dr. Braiker, who has been a practicing psychologist for over twenty years, zeroes in on a stunningly common but very damaging problem many people suffer from. The brillance of this book is that Dr. Braiker shows the extent of the destruction this disease can cause and then in the most accessible and meaningful way possible provides clear, rational, and positive steps to rid oneself of this disease. The typical "people pleaser" sees herself as a perennial "nice" person, whose resentment is concealed by her public "happy face".
She gives of herself to others, sometimes to a fault. She rationalizes that her behavior is motivated by a desire to avoid hurting other people's feelings. She generally denies feeling angry herself, and will do almost anything to avoid conflict and confrontation. She wants and needs for everyone to like her. She believes that by fulfilling everyone's expectations of her, she can prevent their rejection or anger. What she doesn't know - but is about to learn - is the serious damage this behavior causes to herself, others, and to those relationships that mean the most to her. The book's approach is modeled on that of effective short term therapy, with 3 phases: The Click - A description of the "disease to please" syndrome with a "People Pleaser Quiz" for the reader to use to diagnose him/herself. The Promise - This details what the outcome of the cure will be by transforming the "Click" of insight into the motivation to get better. The Plan - A 3-Week Action Plan that will produce tangible, measurable rewards in the form of short-term milestones on the journey to longer-term and lasting results.
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Paperback / softback